Dark side
by constellationgazer
Summary: songfic on the Kelly Clarkson song Dark side. It's in Raven's POV. It's about her insecurities and how she's wishes she can be loved by a certain green changeling. my first songfic so please R&R!


**Author's Note:**

**This is a songfic in Raven's POV. It's basically about how Raven sees herself and how she thinks other people see her. It's about her insecurities and how she craves for someone to break through the walls she's put up and to love her for who she is.**

**This is my first songfic so please be kind. R&R!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans.**

_**There's a place that I know**_

_**It's not pretty there if you have ever gone**_

Raven hovered slightly above the floor, meditating on the rooftop. In her mind, her emotions were wandering over the harsh landscapes, over rocky terrains under the cruel black sky. A tear leaked out of the corner of her eye and slipped down her cheek and dripped onto her lap.

_How will he love me now?_

Timid was in her maze. She clutched her grey cape tighter towards her own body at the cold wind that blew past her. She navigated through the maze with familiarity, keeping her head down and her hood up. She kept mumbling under her breath, apologies spewing from her lips to all the people who Raven had insulted either unknowingly or purposefully. She turned right towards a dead end, and with a wave of her hand, a wall grew in front of her, closing the entranceway she had just come in from, effectively sealing herself from the rest of the world. Shuffling her feet to one of the corners, she huddled into a small ball, whimpering as she thought of how wrong Raven had been in treating Beast Boy, by throwing sarcastic remarks and putting him down.

_How will he love me now? _

In another realm, Anger was caged, restrained in chains as she tugged and yanked at the metal conception. She let out another feral roar as she tried to escape from her jail. Anger didn't want to stay here any longer. She wanted to get out and dish out punishments at everyone who had insulted or hurt Raven, especially Terra. She snarled just thinking about the blonde geomancer and resumed her struggle against her restraints. She remembered that one time Raven had allowed her to get loose, which was during the battle with Doctor Light. She had delighted in the pain she was putting the villain through, but then…

**Flashback:**

"**What's the matter? Afraid of the dark?!" Anger taunted as she sent out her tentacles to ensnare the screaming villain.**

**She ignored his submission and continued to drag him into the cloak, wanting to terrify him so badly and break his mind beyond repair. He had hit her with his stupid offending light, and he would pay! Deep in her mind, she could hear Raven begging her to stop, but she took no notice and continued to subject the villain to the darkness within her. **

"**RAVEN! STOP!" **

**Abruptly, Raven gained control of her own body again and Anger was pushed back to her mind, where all the emotions immediately jumped onto the red-cloaked girl and pushed her down onto the floor, ignoring her attempts to push them off and seize control again. **

"**It…was so…dark. Make it stop…make it stop…" the trembling villain begged, his eyes wide open at the horrors he had witnessed within her cloak. **

**Anger cackled loudly at the whimpering villain, causing the other emotions to look at her in shock. **_**That'll teach him not to mess with me, **_**she thought triumphantly. **

"**Dude! Raven, what did you do?" **

**Suddenly, Anger stopped laughing. Beast Boy sounded horrified, his voice echoing in the chambers of Raven's mind, and then Anger didn't find the thrill of experiencing Doctor Light's pain fun anymore. She felt so ashamed. She had never felt this way before, but now, it seemed like she regretted doing the evil deed. She stopped struggling, disappointed that Beast Boy was now terrified of her, and even when Raven came into the mind to put her into chains, she no longer resisted, feeling as broken as Raven did. **

**End Flashback**

Anger let out a yell of submission, before tears started running down her cheeks and soaking the dungeon floor underneath her. She was an emotion, and although she was Anger, she wasn't heartless. She could feel everything Raven could feel. Right now, they were feelings of loneliness, of hopelessness. She stopped struggling, letting the chains go slack as she slumped down onto the floor and tried to curl up.

_How will he love me now?_

_**If I show it to you now**_

_**Will it make you run away**_

Raven sat still, her legs in a lotus position as she tried to clear her mind. She was currently in Knowledge's library, where all records of her past experiences were kept in different books. There were so many different kinds of memories, some that she treasured, and some she wished she could forget. She flipped open one of the books, and within it she could witness the memory of one specific incident she loathed and loved at the same time.

**Flashback:**

"**Maybe it wasn't a trap. Maybe it's Raven's way home. Maybe this is where she's from," Cyborg said. **

**Raven was in her mind, in the library where she was trying to find some ways to get rid of Trigon and restore Anger to her original form. She was chatting with Knowledge when suddenly Cyborg's voice boomed loud and clear. Curious, she gestured at Knowledge to keep quiet for a second.**

"**Definitely creepy enough," replied Beast Boy.**

**Raven's hand went slack and dropped the ancient tome she was holding, causing Knowledge to stoop down and scramble to pick up the book, gently stroking it at the spine. Raven was too upset to respond to Knowledge's yells. **_**Creepy, **_**she thought despondently. **_**He thinks I'm creepy. **_

**End Flashback**

Raven smiled sadly as she continued to relive the memory. That was one part she loathed about this memory. But then again, who could blame Beast Boy? She was creepy, and she had shown everyone just how creepy she could be. That was the moment she knew that she would forever be alone, a curse courtesy of her daddy dearest. She could never freely love, not without any repercussions. She didn't know how to express anything. She was messing up time and again in front of Beast Boy, but she didn't know how to change it.

_How will he love me now?_

_**Or will you stay?**_

_**Even if it hurts**_

Raven watched as Happy came out and made Beast Boy and Cyborg all confused. She chuckled slightly at the bewildered expressions on Cyborg and Beast Boy's faces when everything seemed to turn upside down. She smiled when she saw Happy acting like an aeroplane. She missed those times as a little toddler when she was still allowed to roam around happily and show her emotions freely without anything exploding. _Those were the good times._

**Flashback:**

"**Have you ever seen her this happy?" **

**Beast Boy stared at Cyborg as if he had grown another head. **

"**Dude. I didn't even know Raven could do happy." **

**End Flashback**

Raven knew some part of what Beast Boy had said was right. She didn't do happy. Not before Trigon had been defeated. It would just mess things up a lot. But it still hurt when Beast Boy said it. He truly believed she was always emotionless, couldn't feel. But she could. It pained her incredibly to not be able to show it though. Even now, when Trigon had already been vanquished and everything had settled down for Raven, she still didn't show that she could feel. It wasn't that she didn't want to, it was because she didn't know **how **to.

_How will he love me now?_

_**Even if I try to push you out **_

_**Will you return?**_

Raven watched as Beast Boy and Cyborg ran away when the embodiment of Anger as Trigon appeared and roared. Then she got blasted away by "Trigon's" powers. She felt a flicker of anger cross her when she saw Beast Boy and Cyborg getting hit by the fire blast.

**Flashback:**

"**Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"**

**A black shield formed immediately in front of Raven, shielding her and her friends from harm. She struggled with her concentration, trying to keep the shield from shattering under "Trigon's" blasts of pure demonic power. **

"**Get out of my mind. Now!" she rasped out.**

"**And leave you alone with that?"**

"**Not gonna happen."**

**It was at that moment Raven felt hope. Hope that her friends cared about her enough to stand by her side even when the situation seemed dangerous to them.**

**End Flashback**

_Maybe he can love me. _

_**And remind me who I really am**_

_**Please remind me who I really am**_

They had defeated "Trigon" and reduced Anger back to her original form. Without Beast Boy and Cyborg's help, Raven would probably have been overcome by her father's demonic spirit. For this, Raven had them to thank. They had stayed despite the danger of being hurt, or the threat hanging above their heads that they could be trapped in Raven's mind forever. They had cared, and Raven was proud to call them her friends. At first Raven thought they had left when she pushed them towards the exit portal, but when she had been hit, they were the ones who saved her from the grasp of Anger.

**Flashback:**

"**You stayed? I thought you didn't like me," she asked.**

"**I thought you didn't like me," was Beast Boy's simple reply.**

**End Flashback**

Beast Boy had shown a shred of intelligence, telling Raven to combine all her forms together to defeat the demon spirit once and for all, and it had worked.

**Flashback:**

"**He's too strong. Even with your help, I cannot defeat him," Raven admitted.**

"**So call for backup! What about all those other yous?" Cyborg protested.**

"**Yeah! The green one kinda kicked butt!"**

**Raven, despite the severity of the situation, nearly let out a laugh. This was so typical of Beast Boy, making funny comments even though they were in the middle of a battle. She had to contain her laughter and maintain her passive expression.**

"**Still wouldn't be enough. None of my other sides have the power we need," she deduced.**

"**Not alone, but what about together? They're all a part of who you are, right?" **

**End Flashback**

It had almost sounded like Beast Boy accepted all her other sides as parts of who she really was, and although the situation seemed hopeless, Raven had given it a try, and she actually succeeded.

_Maybe he can love me._

_**Everybody's got a dark side**_

_**Do you love me**_

_**Can you love mine**_

Raven picked up another book in the library of her mind. This one was a book with unpleasant memories of it. Ignoring all the others of Trigon in them, she flipped to the one at the back, the one that occurred quite recently. The Malchior incident. She needed reassurance now more than ever that there was someone who cared for her, and hopefully this memory would help her feel it.

**Flashback:**

**Beast Boy lost his temper and angrily shouted at Raven. **

"**Oh Raven, come on! Why can't you just have fun like normal people? Why are you always locked in your dark room reading your nasty old books? Why do you have to be so creepy?"**

**Cyborg immediately stopped Beast Boy from causing anymore hurt to Raven, but the damage had already been done.**

"**Forget it BB, leave her alone."**

**Raven looked down, hurt. **

"**I'm not creepy, I'm just different. And I wish there was someone around here who understood that. Someone I could talk to. Someone more like me."**

**End Flashback**

_How will he love me now?_

_**Nobody's a picture perfect**_

_**But we're worth it**_

_**You know that we're worth it**_

**Flashback:**

**Beast Boy knocked on her door, speaking to her, "Raven, it's me. Look—I'm sorry."**

**Raven sniffled slightly, trying to calm herself down.**

"**For what? You're not the one who—"**

"**No. I'm sorry that he broke your heart."**

"**I know it was all a lie. But he was the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn't…creepy. And don't try to tell me I'm not."**

"**Okay. Fine. You're way creepy. But that doesn't mean you have to stay locked in your room. You think you're alone, Raven, but you're not." **

**End Flashback**

Their conversation had resulted in a hug, another moment between them, which Cyborg had so conveniently ruined with a stankball.

_Maybe he can love me._

_**Will you love me**_

_**Even with my dark side**_

Raven exited her mind, her meditation done for the day. She stretched her legs, wincing as the blood rushed back into them and stood, feeling pins and needles on the base of her foot. She fazed through the floor and into her room, where she paused in the doorway, and memories rushed into her head.

**Flashback:**

**It was the day after the Nevermore incident, whereby Beast Boy and Cyborg had accidentally gone into her mind. She walked down to the computer room, where she started to dig out the security tapes which recorded them going into her room. Once they went into her room however, the visual footage cut off and only the audio remained—Cyborg had designed this with their privacy in mind. **

"**Looks like Halloween came earlier this year," came Beast Boy's voice through the monitor.**

**Raven felt hurt. He thought her room looked creepy? **

**End Flashback**

_How will he love me now? _

_**Like a diamond**_

_**From black dust**_

Raven had come out of her mind and sat on the rooftop. She sat with her legs dangling over the edge, staring at the beautiful sunset as her hair ruffled in the soft breeze. She swung her legs aimlessly while leaning back, just reminiscing about everything that had happened so far in her life. Right now she was thinking about Terra, and how she had come back.

Terra had gained Raven's trust after a long time. They had even become almost the best of friends before her betrayal, going for their occasional shopping trips and participating in the "girl talk". After Terra's betrayal, all of the trust Raven once had towards Terra disappeared instantly. After Beast Boy kept confronting Terra about her past life after she had been released from the stone statue, she finally admitted remembering everything that had happened and begged to rejoin the team. The team had welcomed her back enthusiastically, seeing how she seemed repentant, and she officially became the sixth member of the Titans team.

She promised change, and change she did. As much as Raven didn't want to admit it, she was nice, very nice. Although all the Titans seemed interested in everything she had to say, she still tried to make Raven feel like she was part of the conversation. Raven appreciated the effort, and Raven was really trying to like her and treat her like a friend again, but she couldn't, and the problem lay with a certain green changeling.

Beast Boy showered all his attention on Terra once she got back. Before he kept bothering Raven with his corny jokes, but now—nothing. Raven found herself missing his annoying presence. Now, Beast Boy had Terra to laugh at his jokes, and Raven regretted not treasuring him earlier. Her pride had got in the way, and she refused to open up and actually attempt to smile, and now it was too late.

He had her now. She was perfect, beautiful, funny, caring. Who would want her? The dark gothic Titan who had a diamond shaped ruby on her forehead, who could instantly appear anywhere in a cloud of black dust, who could instill fear in anyone?

_How will he love me now?_

_**It's hard to know**_

_**What can become **_

_**If you give up**_

Raven really wanted Beast Boy to continue trying to make her laugh. How would he know otherwise if she was capable of emotion? But it was a lost cause. Raven knew Beast Boy wouldn't even bother about her now, so she just gave up. She didn't try to tell Beast Boy how she felt, and now she didn't even show her feelings even though she could. What was the point anyway? She felt like she didn't matter anymore.

"How can anyone love me," she pondered aloud.

Suddenly she sensed a presence on the rooftop behind her, and immediately Raven could tell it was Beast Boy. Love was squealing in her mind and it was making her really distracted.

Beast Boy walked up behind her and hugged her.

"How will you know if you give up?"

_Maybe he can love me._

_**So don't give up on me**_

_**Please remind me who I really am**_

Beast Boy sat down beside her and Raven turned back to look at the sunset, trying to hide her blushing face by pulling up the hood of her cloak. She was stopped by Beast Boy's hand, tugging at the hood to fall back behind her. She blushed even harder when she felt his hand.

"Don't hide your face Rae, don't hide your emotions. I know who you really are. You can feel. I just regret that Terra had to tell me that. I'm sorry for neglecting you these past few weeks. Can you forgive me?"

Raven nodded. They fell into a comfortable silence as they sat to watch the sunset together. The sun was now dipping low beneath the horizon and they were bathed in a warm orange glow.

"It's beautiful," Raven said, trying to diffuse the silence.

"Yes, it is," Beast Boy said dreamily.

Raven looked over to Beast Boy and saw him looking at her. She blushed and tried to turn her head back, but was stopped by Beast Boy's fingers on her chin.

"You're beautiful Rae, that's what you are."

_Maybe he can love me._

_**Everybody's got a dark side**_

_**Do you love me**_

_**Can you love mine**_

"You really think so," she asked, flushing a deep red.

Beast Boy leaned over and put his hand on hers, causing her to lower her eyes to the ground in embarrassment.

"Yeah I do."

Raven couldn't help but be curious.

"Why?"

"Because you're you. You're mysterious, you're unique, you're modest, you're humble. You're capable, you're funny, you're independent, and I love that about you."

"Really? You don't think I'm creepy?"

"No. Like you said Rae, you're not creepy. You're different, and I am willing to accept that."

_Maybe he can love me. _

_**Nobody's a picture perfect**_

_**But we're worth it**_

_**You know that we're worth it**_

"But what about Terra? She's funny, she laughs at your jokes, she's beautiful, she's sexy, she's everything any guy would want. She's everything I'm not."

Beast Boy shook his head.

"I'm not just any guy, and you're everything she's not. Not everyone can be perfect, and you're not. But you're perfect enough for me."

_Maybe he can love me. _

_**Will you love me**_

_**Even with my dark side**_

"So you won't get scared of me? You won't get scared of my powers, or when I lose my temper?"

"I won't lie and say I won't get scared. You're scary sometimes Rae, everyone is. I'm willing to embrace the Anger part of you, which is why I'm going into your mind. I love every single part of you, and I'm going to prove it."

"Okay, but before we do that, I have one question. When did you start liking me?"

Beast Boy seemed to think about this for a long time, and Raven was slightly afraid he wasn't going to have an answer for her.

"Well…I think the time when I first liked you was before your birthday when Trigon came. You were so strong then, so ready to accept anything that life threw at you, that I felt myself feeling proud of you, and I admired you greatly for that. Then when Trigon came, I thought I was going to lose you, and that thought made me so afraid that I knew I liked you tremendously then, maybe even love."

Raven had tears brimming in her eyes then, but she controlled her emotions. She nodded and stood up, holding out her hand for Beast Boy. He took it and the both of them walked in silence to Raven's room, where they picked up the mirror and was grabbed into the swirling vortex.

_Maybe he can love me._

_**Don't run away**_

_**Don't run away**_

They fell down into the grey platform beneath them, and instead of walking along the floating rocks, Raven gestured to Beast Boy to grab her hand, and she teleported them to Anger's realm. Raven led him to Anger's cell, where the pitiful emotion was curled up in a corner still crying and screaming.

She opened the cell door for Beast Boy, and he cautiously stepped into the cell. Raven stood outside of it, but on her guard, just in case she had to act to save Beast Boy from Anger's temper. She watched as Beast Boy approached the emotion in a fetal position. He laid a hand on Anger's shoulder, and immediately the emotion jumped up and her eyes flared a shade of dark red.

Beast Boy backed away slowly with his hands up and Raven summoned two orbs of black energy, ready to send them towards Anger, but it wasn't necessary. When Anger saw that it was Beast Boy, her eyes dimmed and she fell back onto the floor, her wrist cuffs clanging against the hard floor. Beast Boy once again walked forward and repeated the same actions, but this time Anger just let out a sob.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Anger vehemently shook her head.

"Come on, tell me, maybe I can help."

Anger whipped her head up again, her eyes turning red once more.

"Fine! You want me to tell you what's wrong with me? I'm crying because you hate me! Because you're afraid of me, because you said I was creepy and because you're disappointed that I even exist in Raven.

_How will he love me now?_

_**Just tell me that you will stay**_

_**Promise that you will stay**_

By the end of Anger's rant, she had dissolved into sobs once more.

Beast Boy put his arms around the sobbing emotion, pulling her tightly into his embrace.

"I don't hate you," he said softly, "everyone needs a bit of anger in them, it's natural. I'm sorry I called you creepy. I didn't understand you then, but now I do. I know you have feelings, and I'm sorry I hurt you with the few insensitive words I said. As I told Raven earlier, I love her, and when I mean her, I mean every single aspect of her."

Anger slowly looked up with bloodshot eyes.

"Really?"

"Yes. Really. Now wipe those tears off your face. Now do you think you can behave yourself enough for Raven to free you?"

Anger nodded her head and looked hopefully towards Raven while Raven looked shell-shocked at Beast Boy.

"Beast Boy I can't –"

She was cut off by Beast Boy's pleading stare. Sighing, she walked forward and murmured a few spell words, and with a loud clang, the metal cufflinks broke apart. Anger rubbed her wrists and managed a small smile at Raven, before hugging Beast Boy tightly and kissing him on the cheek.

"Thank you," she whispered, and then she fazed through the floor.

Raven smiled.

_Maybe he can love me._

_**Don't run away**_

_**Don't run away**_

Raven then gripped onto Beast Boy's hand and whirled them away again. This time they landed in the middle of Timid's maze, and Raven used her empathic abilities to sense out Timid. They turned a few corners and found a wall that had been put up. With a wave of her hand, the wall disappeared instantly and Raven saw a cowering Timid at the far corner of her little hideout.

As was with Anger, Beast Boy walked forward towards Timid. Raven stood outside, wanting to give them some privacy. She knew Timid would not hurt Beast Boy. Timid seemed to huddle more tightly into the corner, if that were even possible, and she seemed to shrink when Beast Boy loomed closer to her form.

Gently, he knelt down in front of the emotion and tilted her chin up.

"What's wrong Timid?"

Timid looked away, tears still leaking from the corners of her eyes.

"I…I've hurt you so much…I'm sorry for the time I called you a green bean…oh and the time I threw you against the wall for spilling my cup of tea…and when I yelled at you for going into my room…oh and when I threw away the chicken you won for me at the fair. I didn't really throw away the chicken, I went back and got it, but still, I should have held it when I was fighting."

_How will he love me now?_

_**Just promise me you will stay**_

_**Promise me you will stay**_

_**Will you love me?**_

Beast Boy cut off Timid's rambling.

"It's okay Timid, I forgive you, and half of it wasn't even your fault anyways."

Timid shook her head.

"But it was…I…I…I was too weak…too weak to stand up to Adonis…and you were misunderstood. I'm sorry about that too…"

Beast Boy held her hand, gently stroking the back of it with her thumb.

"It wasn't your fault Timid. Adonis was really powerful, and it's okay to be scared and weak sometimes. Sometimes you need someone you can count on. You can't be strong all the time. Raven's only human—well half-human after all."

Timid stopped crying and looked up at Beast Boy.

"Do…do you really mean that," she asked, sniffling.

Beast Boy's mouth split into a wide grin and he engulfed the trembling emotion in a hug. Smiling slightly, Timid timidly released herself from his grasp and pecked him on the cheek, blushing deeply when she did so. She gave a half-hearted wave to Raven, who smiled back, and then she disappeared into the shadows of the maze.

_Maybe he can love me. _

_**Everybody's got a dark side**_

_**Do you love me**_

_**Can you love mine**_

Raven summoned all her emotions to the centre of Happy's realm, and within a few seconds, all of them had appeared in a perfect circle around herself and Beast Boy.

"Why did you bring us here Rae?"

"I have something I want to announce. Beast Boy and I are together now," she proclaimed, then leaned forward and kissed Beast Boy on the lips.

Beast Boy feverishly returned the kiss, and the both of them kissed till they had to come up for breath. By then, both of them were panting but Raven had a big smile across her face.

"We are?" Beast Boy asked.

"We're…You don't want to be with me," she asked, her mood dampening immediately.

She failed to see the huge grin on Beast Boy's face.

"Aww Rae don't worry, we are. I was just teasing," he said, pinching her cheeks, "I knew chicks digged the ears."

Raven's face cracked into a smirk.

"Way to ruin the moment BB."

_He can love me._

_**Nobody's a picture perfect**_

_**But we're worth it**_

_**You know that we're worth it**_

All the emotions cheered as Raven and Beast Boy waved a final goodbye and left Raven's mind. Spinning, they landed in Raven's room. Both of them tumbled to the floor, and Raven landed on top of Beast Boy. Their faces were really close together and they were blushing furiously, but all their embarrassment was forgotten when Beast Boy tilted his head up and placed his lips onto Raven's. The two of them were joined in a lip lock for a very long time, until Raven finally broke the kiss.

"So, Beast Boy, when are we going to tell the other Titans?"

Beast Boy contemplated this for a little while.

"Well, it's almost dinner, so how about we give them a shock during the movie tonight?"

Raven smirked at her boyfriend.

"I like the way you think."

So they both acted like they normally did during dinner. Beast Boy continued to "annoy" her, whereas she just ignored him or forced her eyes to glow a dangerous red, courtesy of Anger. All her emotions were giggling at the trick they were about to play on their unsuspecting teammates.

When they settled down for a movie, Raven had conveniently brought a book along, but she wasn't going to read it, that's for sure. It was coincidentally Raven's turn to choose the movie, but instead of choosing a horror film like she would have, she chose a romantic comedy. When the movie started playing, the Titans, except for Beast Boy, were all staring at her as if she had grown an extra head.

"Hey Rae, I challenge you to act out this movie with me."

The Titans winced, as if expecting Raven to throw Beast Boy out the window, but their jaws dropped when Raven didn't.

"Sure Beast Boy," she said, giving him a wink.

They stayed true to their word. When the couple kissed, they kissed. When they got under the covers, they brought out a blanket and pretended to move underneath it. They were having so much fun that they failed to notice the other Titans were no longer watching the movie. They were watching the happy new couple.

When the couple on the television started playing with cotton candy, Beast Boy brought out some from the kitchen and started smearing some over Raven, and Raven only laughed lightly and stuck cotton candy all over Beast Boy. By the end of the movie, they were stuck with little pink bits all over their bodies.

"So, we just wanted to tell you guys that we're a couple now," Beast Boy said.

Terra laughed.

"No shit Sherlock."

Raven just smiled and left the commons with Beast Boy, the both of them hand in hand.

_He can love me._

_**Will you love me**_

_**Even with my dark side**_

"Goodnight Rae. I'll love you forever and ever. You know that right?"

"Goodnight Beast Boy. I love you too. And for the record, I know."

The two of them shared a sweet kiss before Raven retreated into her own room. She started to clean off all the pink cotton candy stuck to her cloak and cape, before changing into her night gown and then grabbing the giant chicken from her closet. She hugged it close to her body as she lay inside her warm covers.

Kissing the chicken on its beak, she murmured, "good night Gar."


End file.
